Hookers & Corona

Night started young as usual. After a long day of drinking beer and chilling around town in my swimming trunks I said fuck it! So I drove to Mexico and met up with my wing man David. We start the night with exchanging American dollars to pesos and having small talk about Pachuca and how he wants me to go with em for a few weeks in a month, I decline. As we head over to the strip club I realize I don't want to go just yet... I wanted to go to a cheaper bar and take cheap shots, get trashed but Davids plans were set in stone. He didn't make a stop. Fucking bastard.

Strip club # 1 "Penthouse": We buy around 12 beers. As were downing these and talking shit. This randy savage aka Macho Man dressed/looking THING goes up for a dance. And I'm just thinking "NO FUCKING WAY" As I look in disgust/shock She starts trying to take off her fucking wrestling outfit she was wearing but couldn't get one leg out and as I'm looking at her in shock, our eyes connect and she smiles in shame. I laughed real loud and told David what the deal was. We both laughed at Randy Savage and she looked embarrassed. pffff whatever bitch. So as I'm pounding these beers down and showing David my chugging skills etc... We decided this club was too dead and we had to head elsewhere with more charisma. Jumped in the car and off to the mecca of prostitution and strip clubs: BOYS TOWN

Strip club # 2 "(totally forgot the name alcohol was getting to me already)": Snooze fest right off the bat. There was like 20 fucking hookers just sitting and the beer was three bucks. I called it off and suggested we walked about 100 feet to the next one. After I took a piss I saw David waiting outside, so I started walking out the door where i heard a clever stripper/hooker say "20 pesos por la miada" (20 pesos for the piss you took) real upset an I laughed and said fuck off. Upped the punx. Another hooker outside asked why we were leaving and we blew her off and kept walking when another clever bitch yelled some nonsense about David and I being secret lovers. Sure thing creep.

Strip Club #3 "DaNash" : By far the shittiest name of all time for a strip club. Go in and order us some drinks. Weren't even there for five minutes before David had the hottest girl I've ever seen in my life on his lap and of course an ugly ass one sat on my lap. Davids hooker was wearing a Brazil soccer team jersey and the one on my lap was wearing a Wonder Woman costume. She put the stupid headband on my head and tried to make a joke out of me. So i took it off and said "yo, your sitting on my phone" wanting her to get the hint to get the fuck away from me but she sits on me again after I took my phone out and put it on the table, tried to small talk me about what I do and shit, which is nothing but drink and go on shit adventures. I had almost forgot about David. I look over and he had this girl with a soccer jersey on all up on his shit.
He had bought her a ten dollar drink and everything. So I was thinking about about how I can tell this fucking chick on me to get off me and all of a sudden she tells me "ya me voy chico" (I'm leaving kiddo) and I smiled and said bye. I turn to David to tell em I want to leave and the drink that they had just brought that chick was empty like his lap. I asked what happened and he told me she wanted another drink, he said no so she got up and left his ass there. We chug our beers and go for a stroll.

On our way to a new the next joint. David asks a hooker how much she charges. She was fat and disgusting. she says 100 pesos and David tells her i was interested. I interrupted and said No and called David names and tried to slap em.

Walking down the street... almost get hit by a car and shit

I notice this Diamond in the rough.

Strip club #4 "Shamrock" : A waiter/bartender/tour guide starts talking to us in English and insists we check out the dancers, so we do. Walked in and the party was in full effect. we got a table right by the dancer and ordered us some coronas. The good times started. The waiter offers us drugs from pot to crack, he says "whatever you guys need, you tell me and ill bring it" I was impressed. We play some pool, drink some beers. David starts talking to some hooker about pot. They pay five bucks to go to the VIP area aka the back of the club, start rolling joints. Next thing I know David has two chicks all up on his nuts, smoking weed and giving him lap dances. I notice one of the hookers lift up her dress and busts out a wedding picture of her and her husband, slams it on the table. WHAT THE FUCK. REALLY? I grabbed it and ask her where hes at and she says "Hes a moron. Hes at home in Texas." and continues to give David a lap dance. No shame. we got a dude with an accordion and a dude with a guitar playing corridos for us and the hookers. Chug some more beers down. Waiter asks if i need a hooker and I decline and we leave.

Great great night. Our time time was cut short due to an emergency.
Dropped off David
Came home
Made me some tacos
passed out


Happy 4th of July